All-Natural Spring Cleaning

Holy cow! I don't what it is about spring, but it makes me want to clean ev-er-y-thing. Now that I've got a little one scooting around the floor and getting into any and all things, I want to have a clean, safe area for her to explore in. For me, that means using safe, non-toxic cleaners that are affordable and effective. Below are some basic cleaning recipes that I've gathered (and used) and come to love.

Carpet Deoderizer:

• 1 cup baking soda
• 6-8 drops of NAN Purify blend (or essential oil of choice)
• if you don't have any essential oils, use 1 tsp of your favorite ground spice
• Combine ingredients and sprinkle over carpet. Allow to sit for a couple of hours before vacuuming up. (I let mine sit for 5+ hours and it worked great.)

Toilet Cleaner:

• 1/2 cup baking soda
• 1/4 white vinegar
• 10 drops of Tea Tree oil
• Combine all ingredients to in a cup, add to toilet, and clean bowl with a brush. 
• This recipe is great for gunk around the toilet as well. Just add to a brown or blue glass spray bottle (if you plan on keeping extra on hand) and scrub areas as needed. 

Soft Scrub for Tile and Shower:

• 3/4 heaping cup of baking soda
• 1/4 liquid castile soap (Dr. Bronner's unscented is what I would suggest)
• 1 tablespoon water
• 1 tablespoon vinegar
• 5-10 drops of lemon EO
• Combine baking soda and castile soap in a bowl
• Add water and stir
• Add vinegar and EO and combine. Consistency should be a soft paste. 
• Store long term in an airtight container

Window Cleaner:

• 1 1/2 cups of white vinegar
• 1/2 distilled water
• 8-10 drops of favorite citrus essential oil (lemon, lime, orange, grapefruit)
• Add all ingredients to a 16 oz colored glass spray bottle

All-purpose Disinfecting Cleaner:

• 1/4 cup white vinegar
• 1 3/4 distilled water
• 1 teaspoon of Borax
• 30 drops of essential oils (15 each of Lemon and Lavender; or 10 each of Eucalyptus, Peppermint and Orange; 30 drops of NAN Immune Boost
• Combine all ingredients in spray bottle and shake thoroughly.
• Please note:Although it is natural, Borax is toxic when ingested or can cause skin irritation. Keep this spray away from children, pets and food prep areas. If you don't feel comfortable using Borax, you can omit it from this recipe 

Homemade Disinfecting Wipes:

• 1 roll of "premium" paper towels (like Viva)
• 2 containers or 1 larger mason jar with lid
• Old tshirts cut into 5x7 pieces
• 2 cups warm water
• 2 tbsp white vinegar
• 2 tbsp unscented castile soap
• 8-10 drops of lemon or tea tree EO
• Cut paper towel roll in half, place two halves in two different containers
• Combine ingredients in a bowl, pouring half of the liquid over each container of  paper towels
• To go the extra mile and make your wipes reusable, use the tshirts and mason jars instead of the containers and paper towels. 

Garbage Disposal Drop-Ins:

• 2 cups baking soda
• 1 cup salt
• 1/2 cup water
• 1/3 castile soap
• 20-30 drops of Lemon (or any other cirtus) EO
• Combine baking soda and salt in a bowl
• Add in castile soap and essential oils
• Add water 1 tablespoon at a time while stirring with hands until it forms into a “damp sand” consistency. It should stay together when you press it together. If you add too much water just add some more baking soda and salt until the consistency is right
• Using a tablespoon measurement, scoop packed spoonfuls of the mixture onto parchment paper to dry. You should get around 36 drop-ins
• Allow drop-ins to dry for 24 hours (or longer if needed)
• Store in a glass jar and use as needed to get rid of a stinky garbage disposal.

Powdered Laundry Detergent:

• 1 box of Borax (4 lb 12oz size)
• 1 box of Super Washing Soda (3lb 7oz size)
• 1 box of Pure Baking Soda (4 lb size)
• 1 bar of Zote soap
• 1 container of Oxy-Clean (1.3lb size)
• Downy Unstoppables (We use the 32oz size from Costco because we double this recipe to make detergent for a year at a time. You can also use Purex crystals.)
• For a container, I would suggest a 5 gallon bucket, as well as another smaller container (think glass candy jar) to keep out for regular use.
• Grate the Zote soap with a cheese grater or food processor and add to bucket
• Add everything else into your bucket, close your lid and roll around on the ground to mix up. If you're buff, I guess you can try to pick it up and shake it. 
• If you choose to double this recipe, it'll be less than $50 and will typically last a year.
• This detergent is baby safe, but I would suggest using the Dreft scent crystals for baby detergent or omitting them if you have a sensitivity to the Unstoppables or scent crystals. 

These are just a few of my favorite cleaning recipes. Do you have any you love? Or any problem areas that need a natural cleaning solution? Leave a comment below, and happy cleaning!

 

EO Stuff to Know

My best advice about EOs (essential oils)? Do your homework. Here are the basics you should concern yourself with:

• Purity
• Quality
• Ethics & Customer Service
• Cost

In my own personal searching, I discovered doTerra essential oils first. I was totally satisfied with my experience using them while I was dealing with colds and other illness. I even used some while I was in labor with my baby. After my passion for homeopathy grew, so did my curiosity. I don't like to blindly follow, I like to ask questions do LOTS of research. I considered becoming a "Wellness Advocate" for doTerra because I liked the idea of selling a product (that I used) that would help others. The more I researched, the more disappointed I became. One red flag, was that I had to sell to make money. More specifically, that I was required to fill out tax forms, purchase a certain amount of product in a certain time frame to make money. I wanted to guide people in a direction that they could help themselves. If I made a buck or two, great, but I HATE the idea of shoving something down someone's throat. As I continued to search, I found an article called "A Skeptic's Guide to Essential Oils" that laid out very neatly, things to consider when choosing an essential oils company. I would also suggest reading these posts from Whole New Mom. It is a 6 part series, but well worth your time. I appreciate the thought, energy and research this person put into this, It very much mirrors how I would (and did) approach this subject. LOTS of info.

So.....onward.

Purity - If I am paying for something that is "pure" I want to ensure that it's free from impurities and uses the highest quality products available, at a decent price. While some companies claim to be "certified" or this or that, be aware that there are no regulation standards on the essential oils industry. So if a company says their oils are "certified pure therapeutic grade" or "certified pure", just know that particular company that set that standard for themselves. This can mean a variety of things. If you go a a health food store and find a bottle of Lavender for $5, but see it elsewhere for $15 or more, know that the quality isn't the same. Even though both might say "pure", the amount, or concentration, of the ingredient varies greatly. As with most things in life, you get what you pay for. A better quality oil will cost more. If you pay $5 for something, expect it to work like $5. Consider what types of plants are used, where they are grown and how they are distilled. Which leads to...

Quality - Quality it huge! Where is this plant grown, and how? Is it organic, natural or wild grown? What country is it grown and harvested in? (Can you even find this info through the company you're using?) I think it's important for plants to be grown and harvested in the areas that they thrive in naturally. Just like certain trees grow best in certain areas of the world, I feel that transplanting plants and herbs to other areas of the world to grow them won't improve the quality of a finished product. As far as distillation goes, there are 3 main levels: 1st, 2nd or 3rd distillations. 1st is the best. As you increase the number of distillations, temperature and pressure must be increased in order to extract more oil, which in turn decreases the quality. Once you reach 3rd distillation, most of the therapeutic quality is gone and in the case of peppermint, what remains is sold off to candy companies and the like. Also beware of "rebottling". This means that a company will purchase their oils from someone else, then rebottle them into their own containers before selling them, often at an inflated price. So again, do your homework.

Ethics & Customer Service-  Customer service and ethic responsibility to their employees is also important. In this glorious (and terrifying) age of technology, search this out on the internet. Research customer reviews, good and bad. Find out the company's responsibility to the farmers they work with and the employees that work for them. Are all treated and compensated fairly? Look for the amount of informational materials they have available to you. Is there mention of how to best use their oils? Do they list the ingredients in their oils and proprietary blends? Can't find the info? Ask questions! Put Google to good use.  

Cost - I am pretty frugal. I hate over-paying when I don't have to, but I also don't mind paying good money for a something worthwhile. Crappy shoes make your feet hurt.  A crappy mattress makes life miserable. Make the investment. Buy it right. Like I said earlier, if you paid $5 for it, expect it work like $5. One last thing that bothered me initially, was that I had to be a member or rep for certain brands before I could get a good deal on oils and other products. Why is this? If you can afford to give that "discount" to reps, why can't it be that way across the board? Search for the best quality at the best price for you.

Basically, do your research! After I did, my mind was changed about certain companies that I really liked. I'm not going to try and persuade you in either direction, just educate yourselves. If you have any questions, ask!  

     

Gypsy Oils

I've always been a fan of essential oils for a long time but I only started using them seriously a couple of years ago.  When I got a death cold while pregnant and couldn't use traditional medicines while I was sick and I was lucky enough to have a friend that was a representative for doTerra, and she was kind enough to give me some samples to get me through my cold. I was hooked. Having the ability the address my ailments in a safe, natural and effective way was eye-opening. The more I learned, the more I knew this was something that could be addictive. 

The knowledge and application of essential oils is a skill that needs to be worked at constantly. After learning as much as I could, I began to share my findings with family and other friends. If someone was sick with a cold, had hot flashes, tired muscles, etc I was there with my suggestion of "gypsy oils" to use as remedies. To me, I feel that using EOs are the same as rubbing IcyHot on sore muscles or Vapor Rub on your chest when you're stuffy. While I certainly believe in modern medicine and its advantages, I also feel that there is much we can to on our own, with the abundance of things already on this earth, to improve our heath and daily lives. 

That being said, look for posts on all things related to essential oils; be it making your own soap, creating an EO daily routine, using them to make your own household cleaners, or getting rid of fleas on your furbaby.


**Please note: I am not a paid representative of any certain essential oils company. I have tried a few companies, and after doing my own researching, I have chosen Native American Nutritionals to be the company for me. I also don't claim to be a health provider, but rather, enjoy offering up what I have found to be effective uses for these essential oils to my friends and family. Always exercise wisdom and do your research!  

Haitus

Southern living is where it's at.

While I reminisce about the past few months, listen to these tunes that pay tribute to our move back to the homeland. (Note: I tried to pick a song that accounted for every state we went through. And some others that share my feelings of moving in general.)

Highway to Hell - ACDC
Crazy Utah Names - srsly....they are nuts.
Waking Up In Vegas - Katy Perry
Arizona - Kings of Leon
Albuquerque - Weird Al (aka the weirdest 11:30 of your life)
Amarillo - Gorillaz
Oklahoma! - from Oklahoma!
Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros (because the second word in the song is "Arkansas")
Nashville Without You - Tim McGraw
Georgia On My Mind - Ray Charles

So uh...moving was nuts. We managed to pack all of our earthly belongings, ourselves and a dog into a Uhaul trailer, an SUV and our hybrid. We made a pit-stop in Vegas to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law. It was nice to see them again and eat some ridiculous, tasty food at over-priced buffets. It took us 5 years to get across New Mexico and Arizona. Driving across Oklahoma at 2 a.m. proved to be fruitful for my invention/idea brainstorming session. I came up with 9 (NINE?!) ideas for programs or actual inventions... along with a lot of random questions, and a few about the Federal Reserve??? (i.e. why can't we, or anyone really, audit the FR? Why is it "illegal" to not pay income tax when income tax itself is technically illegal in the first place?)

Peace out, Logan!

I will NEVER understand why semis do this. Don't they know what road-sloths they are?!

The. Worst.

Anyway.

Arkansas was our official welcome back into the Southland, and it came at the perfect time. Caleb's car ran out of gas on an exit ramp, which meant that he had to walk to the nearest gas station, buy a $15 gas can, get gas, and walk back. After all of this, we continued down the interstate to the next exit for cheaper gas and a nutritious lunch at McDonald's. We both looked pretty rough as we walked into the McDonald's (now that I think of it, I don't know of anyone that dresses up to go eat there), and I handed off baby lady to her dad so I could go to the little girl's room. When I came out, two old ladies were talking to spouse, and as I got closer, I could hear them gushing over how "precious" Lucee was. We thanked them and mentioned that we were en route to Georgia from Utah. They wished us luck, told us to "have a blessed day", and we got in line to order a Failure Meal. As we approached the counter to place our order, one of the nice old ladies, tapped Caleb on the shoulder, shoved some money in his hand and said, "Let Granny buy y'all some lunch. Drive safe and take care of that baby." While she was walking away, we mumbled a shocked "Thank You" and stared at each other. "Only in the South," Caleb said.

I must admit, up until that point, I was only 60% committed to our move. I ached for home, but I also had come to love our life in Utah. We had made genuine, life-long friendships and we were moving away from them, and moving towards a great deal of uncertainty. After granny paid for our lunch, it was spoken to my heart that what we were trying to do, was indeed, the right thing for our little family. On days when I especially miss my friends, the grid system, or Winco, I go back to that moment to remind myself that what we are doing is right for us, even though I still struggle with it at times.

Marlaina and Lucee finally meeting. SO cute. 

It's been nearly 5 months since we moved back and it has been harder and better than I had expected. Caleb received two job promotions within 6 weeks. They have been very good to him, and had we not moved when we did, he would have missed out on these chances to move up in the company. It has been nice to live so close to family that are always willing to babysit Lucee if needed. I would be lying if I said that a 2 hour trip to the gym to workout and tan doesn't feel like a vacation. Because it is. (Yes, I fakebake. I love it. Thanks for your judgment.) Thanks to a husband who is willing to help me with my form, I've rediscovered my love of weight-lifting. I am clearly the weakest human on the planet, but I'm working to change that. I no longer strive to be skinny, I want to be strong. I want to have an ass, not just a butt. I want to do a legit pull-up (unassisted). I want to carry the carseat with Lucee in it and not feel like my arm is falling off. I want to carry all the groceries inside in one trip. Because steroids. *crosses fingers forever*

Lucee is growing like a dang weed. When we got here, she could barely hold her head up on her own, now she's sitting up by herself and saying "mama" all the time.

In October, she got to meet her great-grandmother.

They had a lot to talk about. Also, this picture makes my heart burst. I should probably frame it.

Lucee meeting her uncle and cousin (who is a mere 3 weeks older than her). 

She had her baby blessing.

And she was "Max" for Halloween. She was too pooped for Trunk-or-Treat.

I'll eat you up, I love you so. (Please note: this costume does have a tail.)

On Thanksgiving, she rolled over.

Like a boss.

And by Christmas time she was sitting up like a big girl.

Of course, she wanted the wrapping paper and not the actual toys.

It was awesome to be home for the holidays. We missed our Utah friends and family, but there's something special about having your baby home for her "firsts". She is so loved by so many. She's a lucky girl. She got more presents than an infant needs (as it should be) and we were told more than once, that she is considered a member of the family to many close friends here. With the exception of a car accident in the Target parking lot the weekend before Christmas (not our fault, thank goodness), the holidays were easy, and mostly quiet.

For New Year's, we didn't go out. Lucee was sick, but spouse and I managed to stay awake to kiss at midnight. I admit, this is one of my favorite traditions; I love the idea of starting out my year with a kiss from my man. Also, my "one little word" for the year is "gentle". I desperately need to have a gentler tone of voice, way of interacting with others (because being catty all the time isn't that great), lending a gentle, listening ear, and being more gentle to myself, my body, my marriage, my loved ones.

When I first read this, I was cut by its simplicity and sweetness.

Pongo had his second birthday. We are so grateful for him, his energy, and his kind nature. I feel like dogs are here to teach us how to be more loving, and not to take things too seriously. Pongo's ability to forgive quickly and love fully has always been a great example to me. I happily admit that I love him like a child. I seriously consider him my first baby.

He's so handsome.

The relationship between these two is unlike any other. His patience towards her is so precious.

If she's ever in the floor playing, he's always checking on her or laying down next to her. 

Motherhood is such a crazy thing. Right when I think I've got the hang of it, we'll have a bad day or something happens and I feel I'm forced to start from scratch. I confess that it's been infinitely harder than I could have anticipated. I still struggle with an inability to feel fulfilled most days; especially the days that are spent scrubbing poop out of clothes, giving baths without getting one myself, and being covered in breast milk, boogers and at times, poop. Gone are the days where I am not covered in someone else's bodily fluids. This is a thankless job. I don't get to clock out, go home or take the weekends off. I'm on duty (doody) 24/7, overseeing the literal growth and development of another tiny person whose only form of communication consists of whining, smiling and babbling. It's not glamorous, but I also love it. I admit, I get crazy frustrated when it's 3 a.m. and I am getting kicked by a little person, but I also cried when she said "mama" for the first time. There is no amount of money that is worth that experience. Despite having a spouse that helps with diaper changes and entertaining baby lady, she prefers me. She also prefers waking me up in the morning by placing her little hand on my face until I open my eyes. And I happen to love it.

Co-sleeping for the win. 

After a particularly frustrating (aka "clingy") day, she posed so sweetly for me. Her look spoke volumes to me. First and foremost, it was "Calm the f down, ma. I'm a baby, remember?"

In my many moments of thirsting for upliftment, I am forever grateful for a kind man (whom I look up to quite a bit) going out of his way to tell me I'm one of their favorite people. When I insisted that he shouldn't go around saying things like that, he counseled me to think of myself the way he thinks of me. It was a simple thing to say, but I am grateful he said it. In my attempt to follow my "word" this year, I will have to remind myself of this encounter frequently.

I've neglected writing for so long, because I felt what I had to say, carried so little weight. I don't make money doing this, I reveal no earth-shattering truths. My entries probably won't be filled with work-out tips, great recipes, organizing/budgeting/cleaning ideas, or cool vacations. I don't have a poppin' social life. The friends I once had here, are too busy with their own lives to worry about asking me to lunch or coming over for a visit. I have learned to deal with the disappointment of not seeing friends as often as I had hoped. Often this has made me feel even more isolated and forgotten. This is easy to feel like when the bulk of your days are spent talking to an infant and two dogs. I do, however, get to read to, snuggle with, sing and dance for a blue-eyed beauty. So for now, I'm good with that. My apologies if I talk your ears off if I bump into you at the grocery store- it's weird to talk to adults sometimes and I can quickly forget how that dialogue should go. And if anyone wants to go on a lunch date, give me 24 hours notice, so I can be sure to shower and put real clothes on.  

"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often"

Winston Churchill was a smart dude, but I guarantee he didn't move as much as we have. In that regard, I consider spouse and I to be nearing perfection. That's right kids, we're moving again. Except this time we are headed back to the Promised Land (aka Georgia). 

Sorry to disappoint, but we are needing to be around family, southern accents, and Bojangles in order to successfully finish school and not have to live in a cardboard box, Sorry, as well, for any Utah people we haven't been able to hang out with yet before we peace out. It doesn't mean you aren't loved, just that the moving date was moved up rather quickly and shiz needed to get done before we head out this Saturday. I must say, many thanks and shady handshakes to all of you who made time or attempts to see us before we leave. We love you and miss you already. We also expect lots of you to make a visit or 4.

I loathe moving. I'm sure I will loathe it more after a 2,000 mile drive with an infant and dog. Wish us luck, guys. We're going to need it. 

On to the next adventure!


Click on this link about Chattanooga to learn of it's awesomeness, and do so while you listen to some tunes:

Back Down South- Kings of Leon
Meanwhile Back At Mama's - Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
Mountain Music - Alabama
Jambalaya (On The Bayou) - Creedence Clearwater Revival

Here's a picture of little in a bear hat:

I DIE. I'M DEAD.

I miss having conversations with adults.

I do. I miss talking to someone else other than an infant and a dog. Not that I don't love them both dearly, the conversations tend to be very one-sided. So here's some of the internal dialogue I've been having:

• I think its a great idea to adopt a mini horse. Seriously. (Check it out!)
• Some people name their kids awful things. Like Garth Brooks. GARTH?? Other country music gems like Martina? Reba?? 
• Robin Wright in "House of Cards" is amazing. I've loved her voice ever since I saw her in "Forrest Gump". I love how soft, strong, and motherly it sounds. Also, that woman's clothes are always. on. point. Prepare to drool.
• It may be a small, weird goal but I want to write something that becomes wildly popular on Buzzfeed.
• I consider it a successful day to get a shower, put on deodorant AND brush my teeth. 
• Why didn't anyone tell me how afraid I would be to poop in the weeks after giving birth?
• Getting 6 hours of sleep in a row is life-changing. I'm super grateful for a good baby who likes to sleep as much as I do. Most of the time.
• It is vital that all mama's have some solo time every day. Even if that time is shower time. 
• That being said, I think the best thing you can do for a new mama is hold her baby. I love my little one, but it was a huge relief to have helpers come and visit that would hold Lucee while I took a nap or took a shower longer than 3 minutes. 
• Being a parent is a lot harder than anyone ever tries to tell you. Maybe well-meaning people try to tell you, I just didn't listen very well. But, it's also way better than I ever thought it could be. All it takes is a toothless smile from her and I'm not so tired...for 5 minutes. I remember being especially frustrated one night, and got up around 3 to feed a fussy little girl who had barely gone to sleep at 1. I looked at her and said, "Why are you so grumpy? Just go to sleep!" She opened her little eyes, looked at me and smiled really big and made me feel like garbage. I was the one that was grumpy. She's a baby and she knows how to put me in my place and that makes me grateful.
• My ideal day used to consist of things like a day at the beach and massages, now I would say that it would mean that I make it the whole day without getting covered in someone's bodily fluids, I would be bathed and someone else would have washed my hair for me. All of the dishes and laundry would be done and put away. I would go to a book store by myself, buy whatever I want, all while having an endless supply of fizzy, cold cherry coke to tote around with me. Oh! and I would get a three hour nap at some point during the day.    
• My husband is a man. In the past week he's bought me flowers, Chipotle, a milkshake, a cherry coke and scheduled an appointment for me to get my hair done. Oh, he also works 15+ hours a day.

This is the first thing he wants to do after getting home from work.

She is always super happy after she wakes up from naps on mama.

While I've been busy getting owned by Lady Motherhood, life has been busy running by me. I threw my sister a bridal shower, took her through the temple, and she got married very early in the morning. It was an awesome, busy week.

My sister is way hot.

A romantic dance with papa bear and baby cub.

My very first college roommate came from South Korea to Utah to visit for a while. I also got to meet a student of her's that has been my pen pal. Serena loved Lucee. So did the other two girls. I was warned ahead of time how much they were obsessed with foreign babies. I learned that in Korea, there is nearly no diversity, so meeting and holding an American baby was almost too much for them to handle.

Spouse is hot. And Serena was sitting right next to him...

doing this. 

The next week I had my six week appointment with my awesome doctor. She was sad that she missed Lucee's appearance, but was glad that she was healthy. I asked her what would have happened had I run completely out of amniotic fluid, and she said that Lucee would have died. Maybe I wasn't paying attention, but I didn't realize how serious it was. I guess I had assumed I would've gone into labor on my own or "known" it was time. But she told me that Lucee wouldn't have made it and I wouldn't have really known why until after the fact. I would have only noticed that she wasn't moving around as much as she should have been. This both scared me and made me happy. Although it didn't happen the way I had hoped, Lucee's birth happened exactly the way it was supposed to. I was reminded of a promise made to me via Caleb that if I would have the patience, I would grow to understand why she had to come the way she did.

One frustrating day, I had accomplished nothing besides waking up. I think I had changed out of my pajamas. I got a text from my sweet mother-in-law asking how we were doing. I replied that I hadn't accomplished anything besides lay on the couch with a newborn that wouldn't go to sleep unless she was being held. Her simple reply of "You're doing what you're supposed to be doing," was the reminder I needed to remember that the little things matter the most. It's hard for me to see how important I am, or the work I'm doing is, but I really don't want to be anywhere else. I'm used to working a lot, this is just a different kind of work. One that I don't get paid for or get many breaks from. Kind of like waiting tables. I've traded closing time for bath time, workplace gossip for story time, and picking out vacation days for picking boogers and cleaning out fat rolls. It is by far the coolest thing I've ever been a part of. I hope I don't mess her up too bad.

Biiiiiiig booger.

I swear, we didn't pose her.

"A man and a woman had a little baby..."

3 is a magic number. Refresh your memory and watch this Schoolhouse Rock video. 

When you're done with that, here's one of my favorite Wings' song to listen to.


So. We had a baby! Her name is Lucee and we think she's perfect. Here's her birth story:

On July 7th we BOTH had an entire day off from work, as well as an ultrasound and doctor appointment. That morning, Spouse took out our hospital bag and Lucee's car seat so that we could clean out the car after our ultrasound. We had also planned to have a "date day" and get some lunch and pedicures. Obviously, none of this took place. At our ultrasound we got to see our little cub and her perfect measurements, and the tech told us there was one more test to do. This test was pass or fail, and was an amniotic fluid check to make sure baby has enough fluid to survive. We asked what would happen if we failed, and he said that we would be sent upstairs to have a baby. The tech checked 4 different areas and we failed. And then I started to panic. He checked again and we failed again. Mama's fluid numbers need to be anywhere from 5-25 and mine where 3.3...so we were sent to a room to wait and talk to a doctor. Since my doc was at a conference until the 14th, we were seen by the on-call doctor, and after a 1 minute conversation, were sent upstairs to be induced.

I was not happy. Not only was our stuff not in the car, I was hungry, I had bridal shower invitations to send off and decorations to make, freezer meals to prep, padsicles to make, and worst of all....my toes were naked in anticipation of a luxurious pedicure. More annoying than all of this, was that being induced 2 weeks early threw 90% of my birth plan out the window. Forget going into labor naturally, avoiding Pitocin and an  IV, and constant fetal monitoring. Lame. I get that motherhood isn't about me, and this was my first of many tests to see how selfish I really am. This was about Lucee and getting her here safely. To calm my nerves, I asked Caleb to give me a blessing. It was very sweet, comforting and helped me bring things into the proper perspective. 

Let me just say how evil Pitocin is. Any mamas that have dealt with this devil liquid, I feel for you. And any of you that have been on Pitocin and not gotten an epidural, I bow down at your feet. I was hooked up to Pitocin and the doctor came in to break my water around 11. By 5 that night, they had maxed out the Pitocin and I was hating life. Thanks to the relaxation techniques I learned through Hypnobirthing, I lasted 12 hours before I waved my little flag and got an epidural. Caleb was great at encouraging me to stay strong, but I hadn't dilated past a 4 in 7 hours and I was still having contractions every 2 to 3 minutes. I was tired. I cried as I asked Caleb to not be disappointed in me, but I couldn't do it anymore. The epidural kicked in around midnight and we managed to sleep off and on for 4 hours before I started puking. While I was asleep, they got the doctor's permission to up my Pitocin more and started measuring the effectiveness of my contractions. At 4:30 I woke up and puked every half an hour until Lucee came. Actually, I even puked once in the middle of pushing. Nice. When the nurse, Candis- who was an ANGEL and really enhanced that whole experience- came in to check me around 6:30, I had fully dilated and Lucee was on her way out. So she let the doctor know and got me ready to squeeze this kid out. (I must say, as tired as she must have been, Lucee did great. I was afraid of her getting tired, getting stuck or her heart rate dropping and having to have a c-section. She worked just as hard as I did.) 5 pushes later, baby girl made her entrance. Despite feeling a little bummed about the epidural, I was grateful for it when it came time to push. I was able to enjoy delivering my baby. I wasn't screaming or crying like other ladies in the rooms near me; I was present and able to make it as peaceful of an entrance as I could.

I still had a hard time believing I was about to be a mama, up until I saw her little hairy head and they put that gooey baby on my chest to clean her up. It was weird. Here was this little person, that I had never met before, yet she felt very familiar. We had watched her stretch my belly out, we washed her clothes, stocked up on diapers, and assembled endless items of baby furniture. After long years and months of waiting, she was finally here. It made sense to me afterwards, that she would come early. She didn't start her journey while we were doing fertility treatments, she came after we had decided to take a break from all of that and the emotional drain that came with it. She didn't come when the car was packed and meals were prepped, she came early, without warning. She came the way she was supposed to. It's very cliche, but we loved her instantly. Too much, maybe. If that's possible.

My heart gushed as I watched Caleb give her her first bath. He was so gentle and sweet. He faithfully tended to changing her first couple of gross diapers (Lucee was an overachiever her first day on Earth, and she pooped 4 times, not just once. We're so proud.) Spouse even did some skin to skin time with her which made me feel all the feels. I am sincerely grateful for such a sweet teammate. His kind heart never ceases to amaze and bless me. 

When I could actually start walking again, I managed to pee all over the floor and the nurse on the walk to the bathroom. She was kind enough to assemble a thunder pad for me, complete with Tucks pads, hemorrhoid ointment and an ice pack. Ma'am, you will always have a special place in my heart! I believe the total count of strangers that saw my lady biscuit was 7. I would have never thought I would be OK with that. I also never thought I would be OK with someone assisting, in a very personal way, to help Lucee and I learn how to breastfeed. That whole experience was very frustrating initially. I can see where people think that it's a natural thing, but there is definitely some learning involved on both sides. It is not a sensation you get used to, and it does hurt- even if you're "doing it right". I'm just happy these things aren't just for looks, but they actually function!

I believe the first 24 hours home I cried 4 times. It was probably the post-pregnancy hormone tornado, but I was a mess. I felt this dread that I was a bad mama already because I wasn't a pro at breastfeeding. I felt bad that I was tired and I didn't want to hold my brand new, sweet baby constantly. I wanted a nap! I will forever be grateful for Caleb coming into the bathroom, holding our baby, to give me a kiss and tell me I'm a good mama. I had been sitting on the toilet, crying over the giant thunder pad/mesh underwear combo when he came in to make sure I was OK. We were both very tired from the past couple of days, but he had a larger capacity than I did at that moment, and he gently sent me to bed to sleep off my angst. Never before has a three hour nap felt so good!!!

By the way, does anyone else feel like the hospitals are waaaay too casual about sending you home with a defenseless, tiny human? I was amazed. "These people don't know me!" I thought. I could be crazy, neglectful, have amnesia or be really good at faking like I care. I would have felt much better had I been told I needed to attend a class where I was immersed in feeding, bathing, butt-changing, sleep deprivation and parent survival skills before I left. Once reinforcements arrived in the form of grandmas, life became easier. I will forever be thankful for the countless times they, and my beloved, took my sweet girl so I could sleep. Feeding every 2 to 3 hours is tedious, but I love that time with my girl. I am very much looking forward to the day where I can sleep more than 3 hours at a time!

Motherhood is nuts and not for the faint of heart. Many high fives to you ladies that have done it multiple times...cheerfully! Being a parent is going to be a crazy journey. I am so lucky to have Caleb by my side. I'm even more lucky that we agree on many of the same things in regards to raising our little one. I am continually humbled by Lucee, who regularly reminds me how selfish I am. I am grateful for the person she is and the lessons she has already taught Caleb and I. She is our greatest adventure.

Also, if anyone was wondering. Pongo loves Lucee. Any time she squeaks, sneezes or loudly loads her diaper, he comes running over to check on her. He is very gentle and sniffs her A LOT. After the occasional rough night, he too has red, sleepy eyes. He will be the best big brother, and I'm certain Lucee will adore him.