I miss having conversations with adults.

I do. I miss talking to someone else other than an infant and a dog. Not that I don't love them both dearly, the conversations tend to be very one-sided. So here's some of the internal dialogue I've been having:

• I think its a great idea to adopt a mini horse. Seriously. (Check it out!)
• Some people name their kids awful things. Like Garth Brooks. GARTH?? Other country music gems like Martina? Reba?? 
• Robin Wright in "House of Cards" is amazing. I've loved her voice ever since I saw her in "Forrest Gump". I love how soft, strong, and motherly it sounds. Also, that woman's clothes are always. on. point. Prepare to drool.
• It may be a small, weird goal but I want to write something that becomes wildly popular on Buzzfeed.
• I consider it a successful day to get a shower, put on deodorant AND brush my teeth. 
• Why didn't anyone tell me how afraid I would be to poop in the weeks after giving birth?
• Getting 6 hours of sleep in a row is life-changing. I'm super grateful for a good baby who likes to sleep as much as I do. Most of the time.
• It is vital that all mama's have some solo time every day. Even if that time is shower time. 
• That being said, I think the best thing you can do for a new mama is hold her baby. I love my little one, but it was a huge relief to have helpers come and visit that would hold Lucee while I took a nap or took a shower longer than 3 minutes. 
• Being a parent is a lot harder than anyone ever tries to tell you. Maybe well-meaning people try to tell you, I just didn't listen very well. But, it's also way better than I ever thought it could be. All it takes is a toothless smile from her and I'm not so tired...for 5 minutes. I remember being especially frustrated one night, and got up around 3 to feed a fussy little girl who had barely gone to sleep at 1. I looked at her and said, "Why are you so grumpy? Just go to sleep!" She opened her little eyes, looked at me and smiled really big and made me feel like garbage. I was the one that was grumpy. She's a baby and she knows how to put me in my place and that makes me grateful.
• My ideal day used to consist of things like a day at the beach and massages, now I would say that it would mean that I make it the whole day without getting covered in someone's bodily fluids, I would be bathed and someone else would have washed my hair for me. All of the dishes and laundry would be done and put away. I would go to a book store by myself, buy whatever I want, all while having an endless supply of fizzy, cold cherry coke to tote around with me. Oh! and I would get a three hour nap at some point during the day.    
• My husband is a man. In the past week he's bought me flowers, Chipotle, a milkshake, a cherry coke and scheduled an appointment for me to get my hair done. Oh, he also works 15+ hours a day.

This is the first thing he wants to do after getting home from work.

She is always super happy after she wakes up from naps on mama.

While I've been busy getting owned by Lady Motherhood, life has been busy running by me. I threw my sister a bridal shower, took her through the temple, and she got married very early in the morning. It was an awesome, busy week.

My sister is way hot.

A romantic dance with papa bear and baby cub.

My very first college roommate came from South Korea to Utah to visit for a while. I also got to meet a student of her's that has been my pen pal. Serena loved Lucee. So did the other two girls. I was warned ahead of time how much they were obsessed with foreign babies. I learned that in Korea, there is nearly no diversity, so meeting and holding an American baby was almost too much for them to handle.

Spouse is hot. And Serena was sitting right next to him...

doing this. 

The next week I had my six week appointment with my awesome doctor. She was sad that she missed Lucee's appearance, but was glad that she was healthy. I asked her what would have happened had I run completely out of amniotic fluid, and she said that Lucee would have died. Maybe I wasn't paying attention, but I didn't realize how serious it was. I guess I had assumed I would've gone into labor on my own or "known" it was time. But she told me that Lucee wouldn't have made it and I wouldn't have really known why until after the fact. I would have only noticed that she wasn't moving around as much as she should have been. This both scared me and made me happy. Although it didn't happen the way I had hoped, Lucee's birth happened exactly the way it was supposed to. I was reminded of a promise made to me via Caleb that if I would have the patience, I would grow to understand why she had to come the way she did.

One frustrating day, I had accomplished nothing besides waking up. I think I had changed out of my pajamas. I got a text from my sweet mother-in-law asking how we were doing. I replied that I hadn't accomplished anything besides lay on the couch with a newborn that wouldn't go to sleep unless she was being held. Her simple reply of "You're doing what you're supposed to be doing," was the reminder I needed to remember that the little things matter the most. It's hard for me to see how important I am, or the work I'm doing is, but I really don't want to be anywhere else. I'm used to working a lot, this is just a different kind of work. One that I don't get paid for or get many breaks from. Kind of like waiting tables. I've traded closing time for bath time, workplace gossip for story time, and picking out vacation days for picking boogers and cleaning out fat rolls. It is by far the coolest thing I've ever been a part of. I hope I don't mess her up too bad.

Biiiiiiig booger.

I swear, we didn't pose her.