John, TED and The Age of Worry

Specifically, John Mayer and TED talks. Both are speaking soothing words to my soul lately.  You see, I've been having the terrible epiphany that, although I'm not "old", I feel like I'm getting old and life is beginning to rush past me. Again, with the comparison thing. Awful, awful habit.

First off, when and how did I get this old? I was at the house of a long-time friend, who recently welcomed a beautiful, second daughter. We went on a walk and talked about how, on our 20th birthdays, three of us went to a park and sat on the swings, sharing the things we were most looking forward to about our 20's: Graduating college, getting married, having kids, being happy....I swear to you, that happened last week. There is no way I'm rapidly approaching my 26th birthday and in turn, on the downward slope to 30. I might as well be 40 or middle-aged. I'll wake up tomorrow and have an even bigger, post-menopausal beard and mustache. Can I get a time out? Please?

Say what you will about his personal life and even style of music, but John Mayer is a beast of a guitar player and quite the lyricist. I couldn't agree more to "stop this train I want to get off and go home again/ I can't take the speed it's moving in/ I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train." I know compared to others, I have plenty of good years ahead of me. But I also feel that "I'm only good at being young."

Some words that have become part of my Adult Vocabulary:

Denied- a word used to inform an individual they do not meet the standards, criteria or requirements for an institution or group....sometimes for seemingly no reason, and thusly ruining your plans.

Mortgage- a nasty word that is interchangeable with the phrase "signing over your soul"

Realtor- a nice person who aids in the signing over of said soul

Fertility- a word used by doctors to gauge a mythical ability and probability of producing and procuring offspring, or lack thereof

Credit Score- an imaginary set of numbers of a necessary, evil nature that is supposed to help you acquire better things in life (i.e. newer car, house, better interest rate on your living room set from Rent-a-Center), but in order to get credit, you have to have credit; you cannot have credit without getting credit. Make sense?

Gynecologist- a nice man or woman who is the bearer of good and bad papoose news; an individual who puts their face, hands and arms all up in my Patty Pachesski while trying to carry on a casual conversation.

I'm fine with life carrying on at a brisk pace, but when I say so, when things are going according to my plans.  But guess what? The universe and karma and God and my uterus all got together and are delaying things to the point that I see it as being passed up.  For instance, I wasn't planning on having problems getting pregnant, my husband being out of work for a short time, NEITHER of us getting in to BYU, choosing to live in Utah for the time being or buying a sewing machine because  I wanted one, but all of these happened.  I've officially entered The Age of Worry. All is not lost.

My first solution to smile in the Age of Worry was based on an idea I heard on a TED talk.  This man found himself 30 years old and feeling that he hungered for more than he was presently experiencing and forgetting. So he took a year off from work to travel and record what he did.  He also started to make a video consisting of one second segments that he would film each day. (If you have been under a rock and don't know about TED talks...go here and learn somethin'. I have a fat list of shiz you should watch if you need some suggestions.) Since I'm not hardcore and don't want to video record my life, I've settled on the idea of taking a picture each day of whatever. I anticipate that it will serve as a visual reminder of the great, wonderful, hard, and temporary things I have in my life. If these were the postcards of nostalgia, ours was a long farewell, indeed. I know that I don't have to be lit from within and lit from below to have an appetite for life or only parts of it. I know I don't have to have children to be a mom, to care for others or be a gentle force of good. I don't have to go to BYU to get a quality college degree.  I hate that I can't fit in half of my clothes anymore, but I also hate that I haven't been as concerned with what comes out of my mouth, as the size of pants I'm currently squeezed in to. Sigh, this too shall pass. Version 1 (more visually entertaining)....Version 2 (more audibly entertaining).

Inspiration for the week: ZAZ. She's amazing. And wears headbands like me. And has an awesome crackly voice. And is French. I need to learn French.

Happy Monday, dears.