What Love Is

Many moons ago, I went out on a date on Valentine's Day with a really nice guy.  After dinner, we went back home to watch a movie. When we got back to his house, we found his mom, quietly sitting by herself in the living room on the computer.  My initial thought was, How sad! Nobody should be by themselves on Valentine's Day!  I didn't know that, perhaps,  her and her husband hadn't planned anything, or that maybe it wasn't that big of a deal to the two of them. We both apologized to her for not knowing she was home alone and told her that she could have gone out with us.  She laughed at us as she shrugged off our belated offer and said something I'll never forget, "Oh, every day is Valentine's Day with your father." It was something simple, but in my marriage its something I continue to strive for on a daily basis: to make every day be Valentine's Day.  I'm of the opinion that, although holidays are fun, you shouldn't need ONE day a year to show a loved one you care.  You shouldn't need one day a year to be patriotic for your country, give thanks, remember the Savior (or the deity of your choice), or pretend you're Irish. 

So here's what love means to me, in my limited experience:

Forgiveness. I know I've done plenty to piss off Boyfriend, and he has done plenty to piss me off as well.  Most days I consider a success if we haven't wanted to karate chop each other in throat. It does nobody a bit of good to dwell on things that don't really matter.  I remember one night, when we had a disagreement and I had gone to bed being less than happy.  Shortly after drifting off to sleep, I felt a hand gently shaking me and awoke to find Spouse standing over me.  He had come in to tell me that he was sorry and to give me hugs and kisses.  It was a simple and unassuming gesture and it made me feel super lucky to have a man that is humble and willing to bring some shalom into our home. 

Holding hands. Not to bring all of my skeletons out of the closet, but I've associated with some fellows who did not ever hold my hand, let alone in public. One pearl of advice for you nuggets: find someone who will hold your hand in public, but more importantly, when its just the two of you alone at home watching The Big Bang Theory.

Ladies- FIND A MAN WHO LOVES YOUR CELLULITE.  If you're the kind of freak who doesn't have cellulite or stretch marks, just you wait.  Mother Nature won't always be so kind to you.  There is something liberating and reassuring about having a man that loves something  not-so-hot about you.  

Not agreeing on everything.  Don't confuse this with having disagreements.  What I mean is that, being with someone who has different opinions than you is a good thing.  Life would be entirely too boring if Boyfriend and I agreed on everything. Its also a sign to me that the dude thinks for himself.  Nobody likes a push-over. At least I don't.  I'm way too headstrong to be with someone who wouldn't challenge me. 

Being supportive.  Whether its Boyfriend supporting my Disney/Nutella/Ryan Gosling/Polynesian brethren/Beatles/Jeopardy addiction or me putting my hand on his leg as my feeble attempt at consoling him when his dad passed away.  Show some love.

Wanting enough of the same things.  Like I said, you don't to have agree on everything, or demand perfection from another, but knowing what your standards and desires are, make your choices a little more clear.  I've tried before to force myself to travel down a path that wasn't mine, and suffered much heartache from it. Thankfully I learned my lesson and got my butt in gear.  I was blessed to find someone who was headed down the same path I was, so we hooked it up.  Caleb is my noodle. Find your noodle. 

Last, but certainly not least, farting.  Yep, farting.  You don't really love someone until you can fart around them.  And you know someone loves you when you let it rip, and it burned on the way out so you know it smells like death, but they can laugh at you and pull up the neck of their shirt in an attempt to mask their nose from the rancid smell.  (Speaking of bodily functions, guys....or girls, I guess...don't take a deuce with door open.  Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.) Boyfriend was once so thoughtful that, when he farted, he had a genuine look of regret on his face and tried his best to wave it off in the other direction to keep me from throwing up in my mouth.  What's that smell? Chivalry. And its not dead. Even though it smells like it is.


"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

If this doesn't prove we're meant for each other, I don't know what does.